VibesHub

 So I'm listening to Jude Gold's _No Guitar Is Safe_ podcast last week, and he's interviewing Zakk Wylde.

 Takeaway #1:

I'm not a big Zakk fan.  I am, however, a big Randy Rhoads fan.  But that's not why I was listening.  I was listening because even at my advanced age I still try to absorb everything I can. I listen with the hopeful expectation of gleaning some little morsel of something I didn't know before, a bit of wisdom, anything. 

 One of the cool things about Gold's podcast is that you get to hear the interviewer au naturel, playing along with Gold.  What the guitarist he's interviewing has to play through varies, and that in itself is interesting, as well as how they've apparently decided to set their sound as recorded in a less than perfect, less than pristine-studio condition.

 I digress.  The takeaway is that I listen and read everything when I'm not playing.  You should, too.


 Takeaway #2:

 While listening to said podcast, you hear Zakk fiddling around with various songs in a casual context.  Whenever he plays a chord for more than a beat - he puts vibrato on it.  It's obviously a nervous habit, and the basis of his ultra-aggressive vibrato. 

 The takeaway is that his habits are what makes him "Zakk Wylde".  Habits can be a good thing, and a necessary thing in the case of style.  You only acquire habits through practice; and what you practice is unique to you, and should be unique to you. 

 There are bad habits relative to technique, but that's not the same thing as a habit in choice.  
  

 You have to play.  A lot.  You have to play something you really like, a lot.  You have to do this to the point that it's automatic, a reflex.  When you think you might be doing it too much - that's maybe enough.


 When you improvise it has to be deliberate in the moment.  Not well before, and by "deliberate" not the byproduct of a conscious thought that requires math.

 If you don't have your entire life to devote to music, you have a choice: make a study of it, make it academic.  A worthy pursuit, if you're going to continue to listen to music the rest of your life, you should at least know something about how it works, right?

 Another choice is to embrace the habits of the value of specific things you love in music.  As an example for some it might just be the classic "Chuck Berry double stop lick".  In which case you should wear it out.  Don't worry about anything else for "a while", weeks, maybe months.  Be able to do it in all permutations, double time, backwards, off beat, accellerandos, pulling back, alternate picked, strummed, all of it.

 To the point where no matter the situation you're in, you can take that musical phrase and really and truly use it.  

 You have to make it a habit.  Style is the result of habits.  You must play enough, long enough with intent, to form habits if you want the musical "food" to produce the semblance of style.  Reading this, watching a video, reading a book on technique, buying a new pick or guitar won't make style happen.  Concentrated effort on a very specific thing is required for a habit to form.  Even if you only have one stylistic habit, it's the building block for a style.  You may as well start now...




 

Optimistically speaking I'm an intermediate level guitarist.  OK so I'm not an optimist, but I'm trying to be more optimistic!  Pieces at my level can be pretty boring - studies meant to teach various skills - ugh.   I've found it hard to find pieces that interest me enough to put the work in to learn them.  I don't think I learned a single piece by Sor, Carcassi, Carulli, etc. up till recently... (I haven't been struck by lightning yet either).

Regardless, here is a list of pieces I thoroughly enjoyed learning in case they would interest you.  Some of them I learned quite soon after I started learning guitar, but I still enjoy them now.  They are all short and melodic (at least I think so).   I have to give credit for some of them to my guitar teacher, but most of them I heard someone else play first...either at our local guitar society or on Delcamp...
Rose in the Garden by Carlo Domeniconi
Sepia by Thierry Tisserand
Vals de Primavera by Thierry Tisserand
Slow Blues by Alexander Vinitsky
Pavane #1 by Milan
Un Dia De Noviembre by Leo Brouwer
Evocacion by Jose Luis Merlin
Birds Flew over the Spire by Gary Ryan
Royal Plum Pudding by Andrew York
Simple Study #6 Leo Brouwer
Mad World   (Originally by Tears for Fears)
Valse Choro Francis Kleynjans
Nocturne #2 by Mertz
Giuliani op 50#17

And here are the pieces on my current wish list for next year (after I've finished the level 3 pieces I've been working on forever)

Promise  Yvonne Bloor
Wild Mountain Thyme (Scott Tennant arrangement)
Pagina de Radio (Pujol)
Arabian Dance (Tchaikovsky - arranged by Kossler)
Joropo (Jose Luis Merlin)
Testament de Amelia  Llobet
Prelude in D major Cello Suite Bach

And maybe one day...
Home Andrew York
Julia Florida  Barrios

Maybe you'll hear something you will enjoy learning too ??

This touchy element make a big appearance from Greek-South African executive Etienne Kallos debuted in Cannes' Un Certain Regard sidebar.

A moderate consuming and progressively choking out minor departure from the fantasy of Cain and Abel, The Harvesters (Die Stropers) is the great element make a big appearance from Greek-South African movie producer Etienne Kallos. Set on the level farmlands of focal Free State region, this ill humored, bubbling underneath the-surface show, to a great extent in Afrikaans, is yet another sharp investigation of one of the various and complex aspects of manliness in South African culture after such basic hits as Oliver Hermanus' Beauty (Skoonheid) and John Trengove's The Wound. This Cannes Un Certain Regard title, which entwines transitioning tropes and inactive gay want in a remote and generally unforgiving world where poisonous manliness is the standard, should anticipate a sound celebration life and in addition a craftsmanship house pickup or two.

Janno (Brent Vermeulen), around 15, is required to pull his weight at one of the huge Afrikaner ranches that spot the semi-parched scene. Despite the fact that his body is as of now very strong from long outings in the fields, corralling animals or reaping corn, his other-worldly face deceives his feebleness and freshness as well as his differentiating want to love and be adored by those near him and the close steady dread of having his sentiments hurt by the exceptionally same individuals. To put it plainly, his face is an open book — props to Kallos and whoever cast Vermeulen, who is one of the current year's real acting disclosures in Cannes — which drives his to a great degree sincere mother (Juliana Venter) to petition God for quality for her child, for his blood and seed.

His helplessness, both a conceivable resource and in addition a risk, is seriously tried when the family — additionally containing Dad Jan (Morne Visser) and three considerably more youthful sisters, all embraced — respects another landing, Pieter (Alex van Dyk). In spite of the fact that around a similar age, in pretty much everything Pieter is the perfect inverse of Janno. The newcomer is wiry and alarmingly thin rather than stocky, road keen, brave, rude, and hella beyond any doubt of himself and his — low — put in the public arena. As the child of a now-dead medication someone who is addicted and prostitute who had him when she was 15, the age the young men are currently, Pieter has seen everything and realizes that deceiving an indication of shortcoming is something he can barely manage. For Janno, the inquiry accordingly progresses toward becoming whether he needs to give up his situation as the alpha male among the couple's kids and in addition his moderately little world on the loose.

At the point when a road puppy Pieter has subtly embraced wreaks ruin on a neighbor's rush of sheep, the kid for all intents and purposes asks Jan to be permitted to shoot the creature. To again underline where Kallos' concentration truly lies, the response shot amid the slaughtering really grandstands Janno, who winces and close his eyes so firmly it would appear that he wants to shut out the whole world. What's intriguing about the cooperations between the two young men — who their folks expectation will soon move toward becoming siblings — is that Kallos adheres nearly to Janno's perspective. For him, Pieter is somebody whose lifestyle is totally outsider to him, and in the meantime Janno knows that Pieter is somebody to possibly copy in the event that he is to develop and fit into grown-up society. Additionally alarming their unpredictable relationship is the way that Pieter is currently seeking after young ladies while Janno covertly dreams of a person he met at "man camp," so it may turn out to be difficult for him to differentiate between needing to wind up Pieter or needing to be with Pieter.

Kallos, who additionally composed the screenplay, sets aside his opportunity to move every one of these components into put and there's a feeling that the author chief and his manager, Muriel Breton, are fairly provisional in the early going, as though they are uncertain which story they are setting up to tell. What's more, as a rule, the film could have utilized somewhat more subtlety in its portrayal of the lives of these characters in this to a great extent white, Bible Belt outback extend of South Africa. Janno's mom isn't substantially more than an extremely religious lady for whom taking in the high school child of a dead medication someone who is addicted is her obligation toward God and her group, which since the finish of politically-sanctioned racial segregation has turned into a less and less overwhelming power in South African culture. The relentless refusal of Janno's granddad to perceive his grandson additionally feels excessively monotonous and on the nose (we never truly observe him fill some other need).

All things considered, the character of Janno's dad is an intriguing one in light of the fact that Kallos swears off transforming him into a scoundrel, which would maybe be the simplest alternative in a film about a young person endeavoring to end up a man in a pitiless, male-overwhelmed world. Jan isn't an adoring father, positively, yet in addition no despot or an overstated macho, and the general feeling of how male conduct is judged and seen comes more from Janno's associations with Pieter and his different companions, who may call him a faggot or a young lady and who barely bat an eyelash at the prospect of instantly depending on viciousness to demonstrate to him who has the high ground.

(Spoilers in the accompanying passage.) Kallos demonstrates a satisfying talent for not continually picking the most clear street, including when Pieter begins resting in the room of his perhaps eccentric embraced sibling. All things considered, The Harvesters' most amazing scene takes put in Janno's room. In the grouping, Pieter, bowing on the floor, takes Janno, sitting on the bed, to undertaking and all the while clarifies his own extremely disheartening vision of the world, including the reality he's fine with being viewed as "white meat" by johns willing to pay for a hour with his young body. Janno is stunned and the way Vermeulen, whose face is dismissed in part from the group of onlookers so he generally needs to depend on non-verbal communication, plays the scene is very surprising. Distinctive responses grab hold of the kid all the while as he forms all the data (some of which he has beforehand witnessed), including wonderment at having had intercourse (and with men at that!), feel sorry for that Pieter has wound up doing precisely what his mom did, and furthermore disturb and stress over being potentially connected with a lease kid sibling.

"I did everything right!" he savagely demands, uncovering the sad truth of experiencing childhood in an unbending society and inside a similarly inflexible religion that both smother the likelihood for youngsters to end up their identity intended to be, and where doing everything right once in a while implies they consequently progress toward becoming God's, their folks' or their group's favored tyke.

The distant idea of the story and the heroes is reflected in Kallos' specialized way to deal with the material. With his Polish cinematographer Michal Englert, they pick a mix of handheld camerawork and settled shots that proposes the young men's internal fomentation or vulnerabilities, while the percussion-driven score from melodic siblings Evgueni and Sacha Galperine, which is forebodingly offensive and drawn out, embarks to make an unmistakable aural scenery that resembles a melodic interpretation of the scene. By not recommending the feeling of each minute and each scene, the music enables the film to abstain from slipping into acting. This, thusly, gives Harvesters a more legendary and ageless air as the characters and their scrapes gradually end up one with the similarly brutal scene.

Creation organizations: Cinema Defacto, Spier Films, Heretic, Lava Films, Mercurial Pictures, Moonduckling Films

Cast: Brent Vermeulen, Alex van Dyk, Juliana Venter, Morne Visser

Essayist chief: Etienne Kallos

Makers: Sophie Erbs, Tom Dercourt, Thembisa Cochrane, Michael Auret, Giorgos Karnavas, Konstantino Kontovrakis, Mariusz Wlodarski

Official makers: Iwazi Manzi, Annette Fausboll, Julien Favre, Jean-Alexandre Iuciani

Executive of photography: Michal Englert

Creation creator: Barri Parvess

Editorial manager: Muriel Breton

Music: Evgueni Galperine, Sacha Galperine

Deals: Pyramide International

Setting: Cannes Film Festival (Un Certain Regard)

In Afrikaans

No appraising, 106 minutes

Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen and Mary Steenburgen star as companions who experience sentimental enlightenments in the wake of perusing 'Fifty Shades of Gray.'

Having sold a gazillion duplicates and been made into three motion pictures, the Fifty Shades set of three now gets an item position tribute in Book Club. For the group of four of achieved sexagenarian characters in this reflexive romantic comedy, the S&M erotica isn't simply perusing material yet an impetus for seismic change. At the end of the day, relinquish your doubt at the multiplex entryway.

Rather, kick back and watch four stunning geniuses possess a sitcommy world like no one's business, giving whatever measurement it has and offering lines that should not be being sold. The motion picture is a demonstration of the star energy of Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen and Mary Steenburgen, who, as the long-lasting companions at the focal point of an ordinary comic drama, are the main motivations to see it.

Under the level, utilitarian heading of Bill Holderman, who composed the on the other hand sharp and soft screenplay with Erin Simms, the film entwines its muffles (Viagra cautioning!) with lessons in self-esteem, regularly pushing too unyieldingly. To the extent it goes, Book Club is a generally effortless ride, with a couple of roar with laughter minutes, however as Peggy Lee notably sang, Is that all there is?

An early gesture to Erica Jong's Fear of Flying is a pleasant touch, and furthermore, in its short life, a sign that the motion picture isn't going to dive into the generational encounters of its characters. Indeed, even their callings are more window dressing than reason for investigation, despite the fact that the hard worker business insight of Fonda's relevantly fire haired hotelier, Vivian, fits her specific sentimental difficulties. She's the person who conveys Fifty Shades of Gray to the month to month perusing club of Sharon (Bergen), a separated from government judge; Diane (Keaton), the as of late widowed mother of two bossy grown-up little girls; and since quite a while ago wedded Carol (Steenburgen).

Vivian is likewise the gathering's just sexually dynamic part, however she's loath to enthusiastic association and regards sex as a physical game, not a demonstration of closeness. That is an issue when Arthur, a sweetheart she hasn't found in 40 years, appears in the hall of her extravagance resort. In a touch of six-degrees incidental data, he's played by Don Johnson, whose little girl Dakota played Fifty Shades' Anastasia Steele. Despite the fact that the film rustles up not the smallest will-they-or-won't-they tension, Fonda infuses strength and cleverness into a daintily considered part. Similarly as she and Lily Tomlin raise their Netflix arrangement, Grace and Frankie, with their executioner comic planning, the fun she's obviously having as Vivian is irresistible.

Perusing E.L. James' smash hit puts Carol, whose sexual coexistence with spouse Bruce (Craig T. Nelson) has gone icy, "all excited," and the at first stunned Sharon wanders into the dating pool without precedent for very nearly 20 years. While Sharon makes on the web and IRL associations with single men (Richard Dreyfuss and Wallace Shawn, the last shockingly utilized as a type of frail punchline), Diane bumbles into sentiment with marvelous aircraft pilot Mitchell (Andy Garcia). Keaton puts her mark stamp on the clumsiness of a first-date great night and the kindness of a common memory. All the more conventionally — in a film that is based on recipe — Steenburgen's hurting, horny Carol does all that she can to get her hubby in the sack, until, at long last and affectingly, she can just move her heart out.

With her quintessence sourness, Bergen (who conveyed an eminent cameo in a year ago's undervalued The Meyerowitz Stories and here whets the craving for her arrival to the little screen as Murphy Brown) puts the punch in crazy humdingers. (To be reasonable, a couple of the jokes, as composed, would be stingingly great even on paper.) But Bergen, whose character is the most nuanced and noteworthy of the pack, likewise imparts Sharon's helplessness in taking the jump, and in her encounters with her ex (Ed Begley, silently passing on male moderately aged emergency) and his significantly more youthful life partner (Mircea Monroe).

Keaton, as well, takes advantage of what's strong and in addition comic in her part as far as sentiment, as well as in Diane's battle to withstand the interruptions of her incredibly overprotective little girls (Alicia Silverstone, Katie Aselton). Persuaded, based on no proof at all, that their sound, dynamic mother is unequipped for a free life, they're resolved to quick track her to a cellar flat in one of their homes in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Like Fifty Shades, the film is in thrall to optimistic romance book trappings. With its steady stream of wine and exhibit of Nancy Meyers-style luxury comfort, it throws rural Los Angeles in a flat travelog sheen. Other than a speedy look at Beverly Hills' shopping region, there's no there.

That goes too for the motion picture's two boss love interests. Johnson and Garcia give the imperative silver-fox twinkle, yet their characters are paper-thin dreamboats with no evident feeling of individual history. A two-sentence clarification of Garcia's character's riches emerges as an uncommon affirmation of money related reality.

Holderman and Simms wrap every one of the focal characters' stories in ways that are fulfilling and feel attentive as opposed to spur of the moment. In any case, while the film unsubtly argues its case for the suitability of more seasoned ladies, it's the four leads, and the long assortments of work they convey to their exhibitions, that say a lot without attempting. The performers, whose ages go from 65 to 80, are as imaginatively essential as ever, and, to cite not Peggy Lee but rather Joni Mitchell, in the midst of all the anticipated romantic comedy business, they easily give us ladies of heart and psyche.

Generation organizations: June Pictures, Endeavor Content, Apartment Story

Wholesaler: Paramount

Cast: Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen, Mary Steenburgen, Craig T. Nelson, Richard Dreyfuss, Andy Garcia, Don Johnson, Alicia Silverstone, Katie Aselton, Ed Begley Jr., Wallace Shawn, Tommy Dewey, Mircea Monroe

Chief: Bill Holderman

Screenwriters: Bill Holderman, Erin Simms

Makers: Andrew Duncan, Alex Saks, Bill Holderman, Erin Simms

Official makers: Ted Deiker, Alan Blomquist

Chief of photography: Andrew Dunn

Generation architect: Rachel O'Toole

Outfit architect: Shay Cunliffe

Editorial manager: Priscilla Nedd-Friendly

Arranger: Peter Nashel

Throwing chiefs: Kerry Barden, Avy Kaufman

104 minutes

German movie producer Margarethe von Trotta looks at the Swedish ace's heritage and meetings executives who consider him as a real part of their persuasions.

Ingmar Bergman is getting the after death 100th birthday celebration present this time of two documentaries about his phenomenal life, profession and inheritance, both of which were appeared in the Cannes Classics sidebar. In any case, there can be little uncertainty that the august Swede would have been significantly more joyful with this one, made by shameless admirer and kindred executive Margarethe von Trotta, than with the other, Jane Magnusson's Bergman: A Year in a Life, which pulls back the blind in a remarkable path on his own quirks, including an uncontrolled sexual coexistence, disregard of his youngsters, an occasionally rough temper and revisionist forming of his own biography; as such, all the stuff individuals need and hope to catch wind of nowadays.

Sensibly captivating the extent that it goes, Searching for Ingmar Bergman reveals incredible gratefulness for the author executive's inheritance and offers the declarations of various famous fans, yet it leaves a decent arrangement to be wanted in light of the fact that it neither dives deep nor tends to the subject of why Bergman, once thought about the quintessential craftsman of the second 50% of the twentieth century, is so only here and there said or considered as an impact by the contemporary age.

Von Trotta starts her pursuit at ground zero, as it were, by going to the very shoreline in Sweden where Bergman arranged the interminable chess coordinate between Max von Sydow's knight and Death in The Seventh Seal (1957) and reviewing how she drenched herself in Bergman after moving to Paris in 1960.

What take after are genial, educated and now and again uncovering trades with Bergman associates and scholarly fans. They all have lighting up and insightful things to state, to a limited degree. We find out about how the man religiously watched Victor Sjostrom's The Phantom Carriage (1921) once per year for as long as he can remember; the impact of his stern parson father; the houses where he once carried on with; his compulsive worker way of life; and the charges of tax avoidance that caused him such trouble and incited his moves, first to Hollywood (where he never made a film), at that point to Germany (where he did) — despite the fact that the benefits of the charges are never weighed.

Kindred specialists join von Trotta in applauding Bergman, including Jean-Claude Carriere, Carlos Saura, Olivier Assayas and Mia Hansen-Love (shockingly, there's nary a word from his most well known admirer, Woody Allen). Present day Swedish chief Ruben Ostlund is simply immediately allowed to recognize a partition inside the Swedish film industry amongst Bergman and more youthful specialists, starting with Bo Widerberg, with whose camp Ostlund distinguished himself.

There are incidental diverting goodies, for example, that Bergman would observe enormous Hollywood movies at home, among them Pearl Harbor, for which he basically quick sent to the huge activity scenes, and the way that his control-crack propensities stretched out even to the list of attendees for his burial service; just those he by and by welcomed were permitted to go to (we get a short taped look at the occasion, which occurred on a splendid summer's day).

The majority of this will hold any importance with the Bergman dedicated, however von Trotta carries on at a casual pace that moderates significantly encourage toward the end, and the point glancingly raised by Ostlund isn't followed up: What, precisely, does Bergman mean, in the event that anything, to more youthful gatherings of people today? A portion of the late grandmasters keep on being discussed and copied, while others don't. The truth of the matter is that, with the conceivable special cases of Seventh Seal and — all the more so on account of its cutting innovation — Persona (1966), Bergman's movies, wrapped the same number of them are in agony, psychoanalytical entrance and hour-of-the-wolf-style anxiety, are not in form today and are little examined in scholastic or buff circles. Why would that be, and what does it mean for the fate of his notoriety? A weighing of this issue could have been fascinating in the midst of the common hosannas.

Generation organizations: C-Films, Mondex and Cie

Cast: Liv Ullmann, Daniel Bergman, Ingmar Bergman Jr., Olivier Assayas, Ruben Ostlund, Stig Bjorkman, Mia Hansen-Love, Katinka Farago, Carlos Saura, Jean-Claude Carriere, Gaby Dohm, Rita Russek, Gunnel Lindblom, Julia Dufvenius

Chief: Margarethe von Trotta

Author: Felix Moeller

Chief of photography: Martin Farkas

Editorial manager: Bettina Bohler

Scene: Cannes Film Festival (Cannes Classics)

109 minutes

- I participated in a challenge to improve a single discrete skill.  This involved practicing that specific skill every day for a month and recording it weekly.
- I made myself 'perform' for others several times a week, including in person to my teacher and a friend, online by Skype/Zoom, in 2 guitar circles, and at an open mic.
- I got expert advice on performing from my teacher - most notably by practicing pieces unbelievably slowly to activate different types of memory.
- I read a number of articles on ways to address performance anxiety - the piece of advice that most resonated (particularly now I am getting some experience performing) was to change expectations.  I had always considered that the only acceptable performance was one where I played to the best of my ability - any mistake would set me on a downward spiral to disaster.   The article pointed out that this was unrealistic - particularly at the beginning.  The goal instead should be to recover from mistakes and keep playing!  The other thing it said was to develop a mistake recovery plan and practice it (deep and steady breathing was suggested).



Why am I listing these things?  because it reminded me of something my guitar teacher said when I grumbled to him about falling apart when trying to play for others.  (Honestly I don't need to tell him this - he experiences it on a regular basis in lessons!)  Getting back to the point, he asked me whether I had made addressing this deficit my specific focus.   And now I think I understand.  It's not something you work on occasionally.  It's something you address systematically and often over a period of time in multiple different ways,  continually analyzing and applying the results forward.  And this article talks about focusing on a process rather than a goal - interesting.

Have I conquered performance anxiety? Of course not.  However I am more often than not managing to play through mistakes and keep going.  (Hopefully this will eventually translate into better performances).

I've recently been participating in challenges that are posed by the online guitar school I subscribe to (classicalguitarcorner.com academy).   The latest one was "scales".  Which scale?  Well, any scale you are working on -  you post the scale, what your focus will be, and a one minute (or less) video of you playing the scale at your starting point.   I picked a 2-octave G scale in 6ths with a goal of legato shifting because I have to learn it.  It's hard, so I try it for a few days, get back to where I was last time, then give up!  The motivation to keep working on it in the scales challenge was the requirement to post an update video every week for 4 weeks... 

What happened?  Fear of exhibiting no progress on the weekly videos caused me to practice it each day for around 10 minutes.   And I not only conquered those awkward intervals above the 12th fret, but got the whole thing up to tempo - yeah!  Which got me thinking - maybe I need to do something similar to make me apply concentrated daily effort to other gnarly challenges, like that D# slur in Adelita - or maybe almost any part of Adelita come to think of it - i.e. some personal accounting. 


I  wasn't thinking to do weekly videos though.  Instead I decided to try dot journaling (AKA bullet journaling) - much more attractive to us female types than a spreadsheet (it used to be called a diary in my day,  and had lines, not dots, but what the heck).  And it doesn't require logging in to fill out!   I've seen some absolute works of art online - but my journal is rather more prosaic and pretty much reflects my usual state of mind (scattered).   I am finding coloring in those little pink squares can be quite satisfying...  I started out thinking I would list all the things I need to practice, but I'm refining it as I go on.  I've seen it needs modification - there are not only the larger chunks (practice running through that piece!  learn that section!) but also smaller challenges, like practicing a single shift.  And there needs to be a spot for notes, such as 'moving the thumb makes that work.' So maybe I'll rearrange things on the next page.  Finally I might get a journal that already has the lines connecting the dots!

I've found just glancing at it before I start practicing gives me a good idea of what I might have been missing out on, it remains to be seen whether it will actually make me practice the tough stuff ??

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I'm coming to the conclusion that learning to deal with performance anxiety is like painting the Forth Bridge...  Why the Forth Bridge? - anecdotally the painting process never stops - once you reach one end, you just toddle back to the other end and start again - ad infinitum.



After a particularly discouraging personal performance in our orchestra in early April I determined to once again tackle this exasperating problem - this time simply by grabbing lots of opportunities to play for others - online, to a friend, my guitar teacher, to small groups of guitarists I know well, and yesterday in a small playing circle I didn't know so well.   Has it transformed me from a state of near panic (gripping the guitar with rigid cold sweaty hands like it might jump up and run away) into a confident performer?  Sadly, no.  However things have improved - although the physical symptoms have not disappeared, they have abated somewhat, and I have managed to play several times for my GT and other people.  Not particularly well, and with lots of fumbles plus the occasional outright wrong note, but mostly getting from the beginning to the end without stopping.  I actually thought I was doing a little worse yesterday, then recalled that we had to play completely cold with no warm up at all, so it wasn't so bad, considering.  And I didn't even stand out because everyone (even the more experienced players) were apparently suffering from the same problem! 

What did I do to even get this far?  There were 3 components:

First
I had help from my guitar teacher on preparing the pieces.  Specifically I've been working on the same 5 short pieces for the last 9 months - so I know them pretty well.  And GT had me play them super slowly - to the point where muscle memory failed and I was forced to think about the notes and what was coming up next.  I still find this surprisingly hard but it sure helps when you get brain freeze when trying to perform...

Second
I've been gradually ramping up the stress level and (hopefully) building up positive experiences -  it doesn't help to march out to play a masterclass first off, then crash and burn - makes things ten times worse the next time.  Experiences from low to high stress, for me that would be:

1. Recording self
2. Videoing self
3. Playing for a friend (ie a real person) who doesn't play guitar
4. Playing for teachers online (via classicalguitarcorner.com academy)
5. Playing for a nursing home Alzheimer's unit (I did this a while ago - the first time was excruciating, but after that it wasn't too bad - I could count on the audience not remembering the mistakes!)  I need to get back to it though because the performance practice definitely helped.
6. Playing for my teacher - really I should be used to this, but 'performing' for someone who is critically appraising my playing is the absolute worst stress...
7. Participating in playing circles with other guitarists (why guitarists? they hear the mistakes!)
8. Playing at a low-key open mic - there's a cafe near us where the open mic happens while people eat that's a distinct possibility. 
9. Playing at a higher stress open mic, like at our local guitar society or inviting a group of people round to a house concert
10. Playing in a masterclass... (just the thought makes me feel queasy).